You know, I'll be the first to admit that girls are stupid. Seriously, we are. We get ourselves into these situations where we know that inevitably, someone will get hurt and if that someone isn't ourselves, then it's someone else. I mean, we purposely seek out situations that are not smart which leads to the conclusion that girls are stupid.

Case in point: I know Boy A doesn't like me anymore. I know that Boy A is having a good time in school and is going to parties and has groupies. Yet, I still like Boy A so I still call him and tell him how much I miss him. What good comes out of this? Nothing. I get hurt, Boy A gets an ego trip and I am left feeling stupid. Why do I feel stupid? Because I AM stupid for trying to talk to Boy A when Boy A wants nothing to do with me!!

I've decided that when a girl does things that are beyond rational and completely illogical, like trying to talk to a boy who has already stated that he has feelings for someone else or who can't find the time or day to call you unless he wants a booty call, she is being stupid. And if a girl is trying to talk to a boy who has already stated that he likes someone else and that it's best to not talk and you know said boy is now dating that person he was thinking about, well then that girl is STUPID and CONNIVING.

I've been that type of girl. I'll admit it. I've been stupid and conniving. Yet girls who try to be that way need to be careful because being a girl, you also know that girls are the most jealous, controlling and protective creatures on Earth. With that said, I've decided that if a boy can't acknowledge and see when a girl is being stupid and treading on thin ice, then that boy is being stupid too.

I'm not a perfect person. I'm not even that nice even though I try really hard to be sometimes. I've tried to be more patient, understanding, compassionate and thoughtful this past year. I think I've done a pretty good job thus far, but of course, there's room for improvement.

However, I'm at my limit. This is it. I've been played and I've been used. And I'm not really going to take it anymore having someone defend someone who clearly does not deserve a defense when all the evidence points to plain stupidity. There isn't really another word to call it. (Well, there are, but I thought I would refrain from such profanity.)

So now the world, or anyone who reads this knows... I think girls are stupid. What's more, I think you're stupid if you think that I approve of not calling someone stupid when they deserve to be called stupid or perhaps, much worst.

blog later.
me.

I am so tired. Waking up at 5 in the morning and thinking it's really 7 is not healthy. I just thought I would share that little observation with everyone.

I ate more than I should have tonight. But onion rings... I think they may be one of my weaknesses. The burger was okay. I've definitely had better in Madison. It was a good night. Well, I felt good because I got complimented. hee hee... not a serious compliment though but it's always nice when someone acknowledges that I'm not just another girl who knows nothing about sports. We won't get into a discussion of which teams I follow because this year is just going to be heart-breaking. SERIOUSLY. PLEASE do not talk about the latest AP poll on college basketball. It's just... too depressing.

I was pretty productive today. It was a good day. Ironically, Thursdays are supposed to be my good days but today was a nice Wednesday. Got a nice surprise. A very BIG surprise. Although now I have more chocolate than I know what to do with. But the roses are pretty and I think they'll live. (They were starting to wilt a little bit today at work but hopefully! they'll be okay now.) Not really sure how someone figured out exactly where I work but it was still nice.

I AM SO TIRED!! two nights of poor sleep. Ugh...Hopefully this weekend will be better except I don't know how much sleep I'll get and I imagine I'll be pretty tired Saturday night. Very excited though. Get to spend time with my FAVORITE person! Hopefully he doesn't trick me during dinner though it is inSANELY cute. Man... so innocent but so deceiving!!

It'll be a good weekend. I hope it is. I'm excited. Are you? I haven't figured out what I'm going to bring and I really need to study. Just a few weeks more and then I'm ALL done!! YIPPEE! I think I'm going to throw a big celebration for myself Dec. 4th. I think I'll be more excited that day than a week later because seriously... there ain't much to celebrate on the 12th but the 4th!! COME ON!! Maybe I'll have a drink with my new wine glasses.

I'm rambling. I'm so tired. I don't even have the energy to lie in front of my television and watch Law and Order. THAT'S how tired I am. I just thought I'd blog because well.... apparently someone out there likes reading what I have to babble about. But thanks for thinking about me and thanks for caring about what I have to say.

All right, I think it's bed time for me. Hopefully, I'll sleep through the night tonight. Wish me luck!!

sweet dreams.
blog later.
me.

Two posts in one night!? Yeah, there's something wrong with me.

Actually, I just need to vent. I was doing some thinking in the shower (seriously, that's when and where I get all my serious thinking done) and I realized something. I can't think of a time when someone purposely did not tell me something because they wanted to "protect" me and I didn't get hurt. Seriously. What is the point of hiding things? You know you're doing something wrong by not telling the person and you know that if they ultimately find out, they'll be upset. So why put all the effort in hiding things? I can only think of a few instances where it would make sense but in the cases I'm thinking of, where I've been the one who was kept in the dark, more harm was done than good.

This makes me wonder what the person in my position is supposed to think and do. I mean, if you care about a person to not want to hurt them, why create circumstances where you know they will be hurt? Isn't there a boundary or a limit that you know you aren't supposed to cross because you know it's the gray zone where bad things can happen? Yet, people still take that risk and I just wonder why. Isn't it just easier to err on the side of caution? I try to and now I thinking that maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I'm not selfish enough or I haven't been selfish enough when it comes to these things. Maybe I should stick up for myself better because I mean, let's face it, I'm always the villian. I can't think of a time where I wasn't. There's always something to say about me, never the other person. Why!?!? What is it that I do? Am I really that horrible of a person? I don't think I am. I don't try to be. I think I'm pretty apologetic and sincere. Ugh...

It's times like right now where I wish I was smarter. Maybe I've been too trusting. Maybe I should have been more suspicious and wary. And then I get so frustrated... just thinking about things... it doesn't really matter if they're in the past. It still hurts. I'm convinced that pain like this... it never goes away. No matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you look to the present and focus on the now, deep down inside you still feel hurt. Humans are not very forgiving beings. And I'm starting to believe that there isn't a reason to be forgiving. I mean, we all have our limits right? I think I've reached mine many times. Heck! I think I could name specific dates and times where I was at my limit. Can't you?

I don't get it. I don't understand why I always give people second, third and fourth chances. Sometimes I think I would be a lot saner and a lot happier if I set a cut-off. A limit. Maybe that's what I'm lacking in my life--limits. I don't even set limits for myself and maybe that's my problem. Oh well... I guess I've just given myself something to think about.

blog later.
me

First off, Happy Birthday to one of the greatest sisters on Earth.

So! it's a week later. Not much has changed. Had my first interview. Not sure what to make of the whole thing. Kind of crazy to think that 20 minutes could determine so much but that's what I've been told. I'd like to believe that the guy wasn't just being nice and really meant it when he said "I hope we get more people like you." That made me feel good... for a minute.

I hate the waiting game. Seriously. I am not a patient person. I don't like surprises. I act like I do but really I don't. I like to know what's going to happen so I can plan ahead. If only I were psychic... I seriously thought about going to see one in Taiwan. Well, I don't know if they're called psychics but I wanted someone to tell me what direction I should go in with my life. I'm tired of making decisions for myself because clearly, I cannot seem to make up my mind. And I'm tired of coming up with back-up plans should this whole school thing blow up in my face. Which! it more than likely will. *sigh*

Are you reading this? I wonder. Anyway! if you are, I'm sorry I've been so neurotic and difficult. I'm trying really hard to keep a level head but it's starting to take up too much of my energy and well... let's face it, these days I'm not as strong as I was. I think the tests, applications, work and life in general is starting to weigh me down. I'm starting to dream about a vacation. So pathetic. Not even a vacation but what I would give to have a weekend to clean and organize my apartment. So sad... I cleaned a little bit tonight and I cooked too. But I think it would take at least another 4 days to get my apartment in "presentable" condition. Oy!

Okay, so back to what I was saying. I'm sorry I've been so moody and neurotic. I'm not really sure what to do anymore. There are moments where I feel like I have everything under control and then all of the sudden I feel like I can't go on. Not like I don't want to keep living but I just want to retreat and hide from everything and everyone. The world is a scary place. If only I was one again...Babies have good lives. NO joke.

My favorite person is one smart person. I wonder where he learned how to trick people. Absolutely hilarious too and you always fall for it because well... how can you not? So cute and silly though. Glad I got to spend some time with him this past weekend. I think I'm about to cash in on all my luck this weekend. I get to spend time with my two favorite people and at the SAME TIME! crazy!!

I wish certain things never happened. I guess at some point I need to stop wishing for things because I know I'll never get them. But it's just so easy to wish for things you know? So addictive... Hmm... maybe that's my new addiction/obsession. Thinking about the past and wishing things were different. Although the Coach store, Crate and Barrel and Banana...

Even though I can't seem to get over my past, I'm still happy with the present. I was thinking about this the other night. How my supportive my friends and family have been... how everyone is cheering me on when it comes to school and what not... Life isn't bad and well... I'm lucky to have you in my life.

all right, I've babbled enough. Time to go be a bum.

blog later.
me.