Sitting down to eat my dessert this evening, I realized there are a few things I absolutely must do upon returning to civilization. I know I wrote this/blogger this at some point but here's what's on my mind...
- get some hot, fresh donuts from Krispy Kreme
- buy a dozen donuts from Dunkin Donuts
- Harold's.
- dim sum in Chinatown
- fast for a week and then Fogo de Chao
- skip dinner and then The Chocolate Bar @ the Penninsula
- Almond croissant @ Medici
- visit the Browns.
- hang out with M & M
- coffee or a drink with MB
- baby-sit DW
- redecorate
- learn Libestraum or Nocturne in E...actually just play again.
- get some real pizza

Yes, after doing all these things this summer I most likely will become a Grade A heffer. But I'll have my new yoga/running buddy to work off the pounds with. ha ha! 45 days and counting...

Yesterday = BLAH.

On the bright side, I have a really good talk with someone. I didn't expect it to go as well as it did but it was nice. Very refreshing. A little discouraging that my voice wasn't recognized, but nonetheless a good talk. It was nice to be able to say some things. It was nice to be vindicated and re-affirmed. ha ha! I kind of feel bad for this person now too. I know what it's like to feel like your relationship meant nothing or very little. Why are people so...disrespectful?

It was so weird to explain what happened over the last four months. That was the first time I ever had to explain it to someone who wasn't familiar with the situation. I was at a loss for words at some points in the conversation. What do you say? There's no easy way to explain it.

Last night, I actually had TWO great conversations. So refreshing. So nice. I can't wait to move back. Chicago is going to be SO GREAT this summer! I'm going to get in shape, I'm going to play piano again, hanging out with my FAVORITE person and the great food and shopping! I'm bubbling with excitement.

47 days and counting...

So, I'm better now...I think. 49 days and counting...

I get it now. I think I'm coming to terms with it. There are two people in my life thus far who at the time we were together I thought was "the one." Seriously, I thought they were who I was going to spend the rest of my life with. When it was good, it was absolutely amazing. I can't really describe what it was like and how they made me feel. But then things started to unravel and fall apart. And along the way, everyone got hurt. Well, now I realize that the reason it's been so hard to get over everything is not because I love them still or I think they are the perfect person, rather I think it's been so hard to get over the relationship because the result is that I lost a great friend. And I miss my friends but there's nothing that can be done to bring back the friendship.

Tonight I also realized that I wasn't wrong for feeling the way I did. Sometimes I wonder how educated people, how people you think are your friends, can be so short sighted and insensitive. I don't feel so bad about this weekend now. I was doing a good thing and in the end, my actions were not in vain.

Things are starting to come back into my mind. I'm starting to remember why I did what I did at certain points in my life. It hurts to remember what people said to me, how insensitive, thoughtless and immature people were and are. But I'm not going to let it bother me anymore. Well, at least I'm going to try and not let it bother me.

I have great friends now. I have great people in my life. I have a wonderful family and I have a new beginning waiting for me. 49 days and counting...

blog later.
me.