It's late and I should be asleep. Quincy has an early appointment tomorrow. He's getting his insides cleaned which is so exciting because well...it's never happened and he needs a good shampoo.

I am so exhausted. This week has been more tiring than others because of training, work and stupid admissions offices. I hate admission offices. I hate that people think the U of C was a breeze. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself, but I think I did a pretty good job finishing college the way that I did and accomplishing all that I did in those four years. Yet, I feel like nobody else seems to feel the same way I do. Am I dillusional? Am I just kidding myself that I'm competent and smart?

To make this week even worst, I've realized that the whole world, since the beginning of time, makes me out to be the most awful girlfriend anyone could ever have. I don't think I'm that horrible of a person to be with. Seriously, if I was that horrible to be with, why did anyone want to be with me in the first place? It's not like I drugged or tricked anyone into dating me. Blackmail was never involved and yet somehow, no matter what has happened, I'm still the bad guy...or rather girl. It's not fair. I don't think I'm that horrible of a person. Am I? I think I'm pretty thoughtful and I think I'm pretty caring. I think I go out of my way to do things for my boyfriend yet somehow, the guy always is the better person. Doesn't matter what shit he's pulled or the crap he's done, I've always done worst. No one ever says to my boyfriend, "wow! your girlfriend is so nice. She's so great to you." No one ever goes up to the guy and says that. What do they say instead? "He's a great guy for putting up with you," or "You don't give him enough credit." Where's my credit? Where are my compliments? Oh that's right--that stuff doesn't exist. It's just what my dreams are made of. It's just not fair.

Thank goodness I get to be alone this weekend. I'm tried of dealing with people. I'm tired of Wisconsin. I'm tired of trying to prove myself. I'm tired of trying to convince people that I'm not stupid, that I'm not insensitive, that I'm not demanding, that I'm not evil and that I'm not a bad person. I am so tired. Maybe it's time for me to go to sleep.

time to go dream about a life where people like me and think I'm smart, pretty and a nice person....

blog later.
me.