Why do people pretend like they have your best interests in mind when really they don't? I'm sick and tired of people telling me who I am because frankly, I think I know myself better than anyone else right now. I know what I want, I know what I like, and I know what I don't like. I might not be strong but I'm also not totally weak. I am just so tired of people saying that they can be patient with me when really they can't. I'm tired of people asking the same question over and over again, and I really don't need someone to tell me that maybe I made up whatever I've been feeling for the past 6 months. No one has gone through what I went through. If there is someone out there who has, I'd be happy to speak with you. No one knows what it likes to be me. No one know what I think when I look in the mirror, no one knows what goes through my head so please, stop pretending like you do.
This isn't even close to what I feel each moment, every day. Yeah, maybe I ramble and maybe I let out things every now and then, but this isn't even close. If you go on the roller coaster of emotions that I do every day, then maybe you could understand but you should be happy and lucky that you don't. It's not a fun ride. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I'm so tired right now. I can't stand that people have these stupid expectations of me when they've never talked about it. Or they've pretended like their expectations of me don't exist when deep down inside of them, they do. You know what, maybe my dreams change. My what I want isn't the same as what I wanted six months ago. Maybe so much has changed that you don't even know me anymore. Maybe I tried to do what you all recommend and I've realized that it just isn't working for me at the moment.
I'm not stupid, I still have a brain. And I like to believe that I'm still pretty rational. But please, just let me be for the moment. Let me do things MY way for a change. Let me be scared, timid, afraid, sad, lost or whatever else it is that I may be. Let me make a mistake because at least it will be MY mistake. All I want is to just live my life the way I think will help me the best right now. I'm not asking for much, at least I hope I'm not. I'm just asking that someone trust me on this one because right now, this is the only way I know how to do things. I'm just asking for a break. Is that too much to ask? I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of believing. Can't I reprieve from being the girl that everyone thinks I am? Can't I just be who I think I am? EVERYONE just let me be. Just let me deal with my problems, my dreams, my issues on my own terms. That's all I'm asking for...
