In two weeks, I will be another year older. Whether or not I'm a year wiser I think is still in question.

Yesterday night was the reunion. He wasn't there, happily. Seriously--I did pray that he wouldn't be there. I didn't want to see him. Rather, I don't want to see him. I wish I was a lot smarter back then. Thinking back to some of the things that we said...Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a complete jerk but some of the things that he said... just makes you wonder if there was ever anything real between us. In any case, it's over and the two of us have moved on. I hope he's doing well...actually, I hope he realizes what a jerk he was. Is it like a rite of passage thing that all girls have to get screwed over at some point in their lives by their ex-boyfriend?

Back to the whole reunion thing. It's a good idea, I guess, but at the same time it's like high school all over again. I definitely have a greater appreciation for the friends in my life. I mean, for the ones that I stayed in touch with and for the ones that I met in college. I don't have any regrets about not keeping in touch with certain people over the years and quite frankly, I think it might have been one of the best decisions I ever made. I like being distanced. I like where I'm going now.

I can't believe in a little over a month, it will be a new year. I'm anxiously waiting. This year didn't really turn out the way I wishe it would have. I'm not sure what it is, but I guess I was hoping certain things would turn out one way and well, they didn't. This year definitely hasn't been as rough as last year but it still was hard. I'm just waiting for a day where I can feel like there is nothing on me. No pressure, no worries that I can feel at ease. Lately, I feel like that day isn't going to happen until a very long time.

I've realized a few things from the whole "reunion" experience. One, I'm glad I didn't have to see someone. Two, some people haven't changed a bit. Three, I'm rather happy where I went to school. Four, I need to be with someone who respects me. And last but not least, fresh starts are a neccesity. I think second chances will always be doomed if you don't start from a clean slate.

I need to get ready though. Going to have dinner with the family and of course, get to see my favorite person. Definitely looking forward to this dinner-I think I need it.

blog later.
me.

So! in less than two weeks, my own personal torture system will finally be over. Gosh! I wonder what crack I was smoking when I thought it would be fun to take all these tests. I don't even care at this point, I just want everything to be over with. That and I want to know where I'll be living come May 2005. And I want a dog. Man, I would love to have a dog but alas, I could never leave a dog home alone all day long. That would just be mean and cruel. But a dog really would be so much to have around... maybe in a year or two.

I've been waiting for this day for a long time. It's hard to explain but I have. It's so strange to think about how different things were a year ago today. Do you ever think about what you were doing a year ago this day? I can tell you exactly what I was doing and thinking. *sigh* I'm happy with the way things are going now. Seriously. I wish things didn't have to be so hard, but I'm getting used to it. Slowly but surely I am.

I'm starting to feel old. REALLY old. I don't know why though. I can't believe there is a 7th person in my family now. Well, not my immediate family but close enough. I can't wait for him to be able to talk. I wonder what will come out of his mouth. He doesn't seem like the extremely talkative type but I imagine that he'll have some witty comments and funny jokes. Man, I can't wait to hear him make fun of Grandma and Grandpa. ha ha ha!

I have all my christmas gifts for this year planned, it's just a matter of finding time to go shopping and figuring out if I will be exchanging christmas gifts with people this year. I'm going to do christmas cards this year too. Once my personal torture is over, that's what my attention will shift to. hee hee... I like writing christmas cards. I like receiving them too (hint! hint!)

So looking forward to Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to December too. I think I've been looking forward to the end of this year for a long time. Kind of like last year... I was just waiting for the New Year.

Totally off the subject, but aren't you supposed to be special or lucky when it's your zodiac year? I'm starting to feel shafted with this whole "year of the monkey." Did anything happen to you when it was your year? Just wondering...

Have I mentioned that Fisher Price Little People are so much cuter than they were when I was young? I mean, granted, the people are frozen in these strange positions but at least they look like people and not some marble attached to a column. I hope he likes his christmas gift. I know I would if I were 1!!

I'm going to watch It's a Wonderful Life. Such a good movie.

All right, enough babbling. Time to get ready for bed.

blog later.
me.

PS- P-O-O-H, P-O-O-H, not P-O-O-P!!