family still sucks but i did some online retail therapy tonight.

got a new backpack (finally.) i also bought a new hoodie and a paint by numbers set tonight as some additional retail therapy.

instead of a new purse or pair of heels, i think i'm going to buy myself a new watch for my birthday/not failing fall quarter gift to myself. while i do like the watch my parents got me for my birthday one year, i'm allergic to the clasp and can only wear it for so long. and while i also like the paul frank watch i got for my birthday one year, it doesn't exactly make me look like the most professional intern around at work.

we'll see... almost done with the x-mas shopping. thanks goodness. exam beatings start up on the 8th...

tonight i realized how crappy the people in my life are.

i get yelled at for working too hard and not trying hard enough to find a doctor to marry and then i get yelled at for NOT working hard enough and trying to enjoy myself.

i get yelled at for trying to be a good daugther and sibling and with the yelling, i get some attitude.

then i get yelled at for worrying about other people and not myself. funny thing is, that's all i worry about- me.

i learned four years ago that i'm not a priority to the people i put as top priority. friends, significant others, business- they all come before me. and i painfully and quietly accepted that and continued to try to be a good person because i thought maybe, just maybe one day, things would change. someone would realize what i do and actually appreciate it and be happy for me for what i've been able to accomplish.

maybe i haven't learned this lesson completely but i'm trying. it just really sucks though when you constantly get shat on for reasons that aren't your fault. it just really sucks.

well, now i'm just hoping that i'll become a size 2 again. that would be nice.