First off, Happy Birthday to one of the greatest sisters on Earth.

So! it's a week later. Not much has changed. Had my first interview. Not sure what to make of the whole thing. Kind of crazy to think that 20 minutes could determine so much but that's what I've been told. I'd like to believe that the guy wasn't just being nice and really meant it when he said "I hope we get more people like you." That made me feel good... for a minute.

I hate the waiting game. Seriously. I am not a patient person. I don't like surprises. I act like I do but really I don't. I like to know what's going to happen so I can plan ahead. If only I were psychic... I seriously thought about going to see one in Taiwan. Well, I don't know if they're called psychics but I wanted someone to tell me what direction I should go in with my life. I'm tired of making decisions for myself because clearly, I cannot seem to make up my mind. And I'm tired of coming up with back-up plans should this whole school thing blow up in my face. Which! it more than likely will. *sigh*

Are you reading this? I wonder. Anyway! if you are, I'm sorry I've been so neurotic and difficult. I'm trying really hard to keep a level head but it's starting to take up too much of my energy and well... let's face it, these days I'm not as strong as I was. I think the tests, applications, work and life in general is starting to weigh me down. I'm starting to dream about a vacation. So pathetic. Not even a vacation but what I would give to have a weekend to clean and organize my apartment. So sad... I cleaned a little bit tonight and I cooked too. But I think it would take at least another 4 days to get my apartment in "presentable" condition. Oy!

Okay, so back to what I was saying. I'm sorry I've been so moody and neurotic. I'm not really sure what to do anymore. There are moments where I feel like I have everything under control and then all of the sudden I feel like I can't go on. Not like I don't want to keep living but I just want to retreat and hide from everything and everyone. The world is a scary place. If only I was one again...Babies have good lives. NO joke.

My favorite person is one smart person. I wonder where he learned how to trick people. Absolutely hilarious too and you always fall for it because well... how can you not? So cute and silly though. Glad I got to spend some time with him this past weekend. I think I'm about to cash in on all my luck this weekend. I get to spend time with my two favorite people and at the SAME TIME! crazy!!

I wish certain things never happened. I guess at some point I need to stop wishing for things because I know I'll never get them. But it's just so easy to wish for things you know? So addictive... Hmm... maybe that's my new addiction/obsession. Thinking about the past and wishing things were different. Although the Coach store, Crate and Barrel and Banana...

Even though I can't seem to get over my past, I'm still happy with the present. I was thinking about this the other night. How my supportive my friends and family have been... how everyone is cheering me on when it comes to school and what not... Life isn't bad and well... I'm lucky to have you in my life.

all right, I've babbled enough. Time to go be a bum.

blog later.
me.