I should be asleep and I'm going to pay for this tomorrow night. Gosh! two nights in a row where I'm going to sleep where I should have gone to sleep a lot earlier. Oh well...

I'm not really sure what to blog. This has been one very CRAPPY week. If before I wasn't jaded, now I definitely am. But I'm okay with it. It's almost the end of this very long year, which means a new beginning. Gosh, I hope 2004 is my year. Oh wait! it is... why? Because it's the year of the Monkey!! Good things are definitely in store.

Tonight I realized just how afraid of myself I really am. It's kind of scary to think you could be afraid of your own self, but I really am. It's so hard to explain and I wish there was a simple answer. I wish lots of things had simple answers. How did things become so complicated? I don't like growing up.

Tomorrow should be interesting. I'm hoping that I don't do anything stupid that I will regret. Lately, I've been having the feeling that I could be making that mistake.

I guess I should be more careful about what I blog. People are actually starting to ask me about what I'm talking about! I didn't think anyone ever read this thing. Oh well... in any case, I don't really care if people know. You only live once and you're only young once so I mean, who cares if I make a fool of myself openly on the internet?

Anyway, it just hit me that no one can give me what I want for Christmas. Least, I don't think anyone can. Gosh, I hope I get at least one thing I'm hoping for. That would be AWESOME. Totally and incredibly awesome...

By the way, when you read this, should you ever read this.... there isn't a doubt or regret in my mind. I'm glad I gave it to you, I just hope you're happy that I did.