It's been a long week and it's only Tuesday!

This past weekend was a little crazy. Finished my observation shifts and now I've started volunteering. Saturday wasn't very interesting but Sunday...Sunday was a little slap of reality. I barely slept that night. Partly because I was freezing from the air conditioning, partly because I was thinking about all the things I needed to do, and partly because I just felt so helpless. Sometimes I wonder if I'm up for the challenge but then I've also come to realize that in those situations, you're not the one who matters.

Anyway! the past few days have just been a little strange. It's weird. I'm starting to feel like certain things never happened but at the same time, I know they did. I wish I could erase the past and start all over but I can't and then I wonder what good that would do too.

There aren't many signs of the past left. I mean, of that time. I'm pretty much back to where I was senior year. I can fit my clothes again which is exciting (maybe not for you, but it is for me.) I sleep normally, I eat normally (well, like a rabbit again) and I feel like I'm the person I was two years ago...but then again, I'm not.

It's a little troubling, it's a little frustrating and it's just a little upsetting. I wish there was never a her. I wish there was never that drug. But I know that I'm a better person now in some ways from all of it because I am a little stronger. That and if anything, I'm more determined than before and I know myself so much better.

But her....how I wish she never existed. How I wish I could just change that part of my life....

blog later.
me.