I'm tired. I don't know why I'm posting instead of watching DVDs in bed (my new favorite pasttime.) Maybe because I need to vent/gripe/relieve myself of all these things running through my head lately.

First, I hate stress. I hate what exhaustion and stress do to me. I hate that I can't control it but now, since I'm so tired of worrying about myself, I'm just going to let it be. I still hate stress though. Don't ask me what I'm stressed about because I wouldn't be able to tell you.

Second, I cannot write this next essay if my life depended on it. Usually I'm so great at the bs but this one...I don't know why the bs isn't flowing. *sigh* I can't imagine life without DG but then at the same time, I wish there was no DG. I don't even know why I'm applying for this fellowship except for the fact that I think I have a decent shot at it. Come on... I should be commended for attempting the impossible here in Madison right?

Third, I think I've reached my great loves limit. That and I don't know if it's a good idea for me to watch Gilmore Girls this Tuesday. I don't know how I feel about watching certain storylines from my life being played out on the TV. *sigh* Oh well, what's done is done and there's nothing I can do about it now.

Fourth, I am messed up. I admit it now. I think he was right. I can't explain it. It's not just guilt, it's not a fantasy, it's something else. I don't know if it's "love" but what else could it be? Yesterday night, someone called me to tell me that a certain person was single again and I was so disappointed. I don't know, but I guess I was hoping it would be news about a different person. What is wrong with me? Yes folks, I've reached a new low. I am pathetic. This is pathetic.

This is why I'm pathetic. Theoretically, I have a pretty good chance of finding love and happiness with someone new, blah blah blah. Fresh start, moving beyond the past, everything would be peachy keen, right? Right. Because I'm 25 (decently young), I'm not a heffer and I follow sports (mind you, I don't love sports, I follow sports because there is NOTHING else to do in Wisconsin) so I should have a shot at finding someone new. Why does this make me pathetic though? Because I think I'm hooked on the impossible. I'm so scared of finding out the way the story ends, what someone really thinks, but at the same time , I want to know. I don't know why I don't give up already because I know I have better chances of winning a Powerball jackpot than having this one dream come true. And it's a dream. It's been a re-occurring dream over the last 5 years. How sad is that!? And unfortunately, it's the best dream ever too. I love waking up from the dream and at the same time, I hate it. Ugh. I am pathetic. I cannot reiterate/stress this point enough.

Okay, now I'm sufficiently fatigued. Je suis tres stupide. I need a new hobby. oh! and job...

blog later.
me.

I need to do my taxes. Ugh. I hate taxes. Almost as much as I hate econ. Seriously. Someone explain to me what I'm going to gain from taking econ, public speaking and my favorite, intro anatomy and physiology. I can tell you what I will NOT gain...my $2000 for the stupid bio class. Ugh.

So when I was little, my mom tried to get me to read the dictionary. I was supposed to go through the dictionary, look up 10 words and then write a sentence using each word. Needless to say, this did not last long and I probably only looked up five words. In honor though of the idea, here are some words from my personal dictionary that I thought I'd share:

* gwoss (pronounced "g-wose")- adj. when the word "gross" does not quite capture and encompass how disgusting something is. commonly used to describe bodily fluids and strange foods.
* bullpoop (pronounced "bull-poop.")- noun. the Dylan-friendly version of "bullshit."; synonym of "crap"
* Fugly (prounced "fug-lee")- adj. when something is incredibly ugly; more extreme than gwoss. Example: That shirt is fugly.
* BR (pronounced "Bee-Are")- noun. Short for "Banana Republic"; also known as buhloong's crack.
* Quincy (pronounced "Kwin-See.")- noun. A beige 2003 Toyota Camry driven in/around the Madison and Chicagoland area.
* po-dunk Wisconsin (pronounced "po-dunc Wis-con-son.")- noun. Nickname for Madison, Wisconsin; an area of the United States of America abundant with cornfields and cows and where cheese and beer are the primary products consumed by natives.

Maybe my next blog will be me using all my words in sentences...

blog later.
me.

I lost my pink and white striped sock. My world is over.

Okay, I'm being melodramatic. But I am annoyed and upset with myself for losing my sock while doing laundry tonight. Granted, my pink and white socks didn't really match anything in my wardrobe and I don't really like wearing pink, but that pair of socks in particular were INCREDIBLY comfortable. And now, I just have one sock. *sigh*

I am utterly and completed exhausted. This weekend did not turn out the way I expected it to. Driving back to WI this morning was a little brutal too. I cannot wait to move back to Chicago. I've been thinking about what I want to do this summer before I become a full-time student, what I should do and what I need to do. Here is my list so far:
- lose a pound of two, from exercise (this will happen.)
- play piano (my mom was right- I do miss the thing.)
- get over the past
- go to Vegas
- drag M & M to NYC with me to see M
- have my mini reunion
- get a laptop or at least a computer that does not have PMS
- work at Saks Fifth Avenue or Banana Republic or Coach (need to sustain my addiction)

this sock is really driving me nuts. I'm going to go score my apartment now.

night.
me.