I'd like to believe that I didn't waste over $50,000 of my parents' money, however it's getting hard to believe I didn't. *sigh* I want to leave Wisconsin. There have definitely been some "pros" to me living here (example, I know how to drive on highways and on streets covered with sand and snow) but I miss skyscrapers, friends, Michigan Ave., family and of course, good food. Plus, I'm having a harder and harder time respecting the people I work with and my company in general because sometimes I just sit at my desk and wonder how any company can be so disorganized.

Aside from all of this, for the past few nights I've been waking up in the middle of the night for NO REASON at ALL. So freaking frustrating...I like my nine hours of sleep, undisturbed. I'm still having annoying dreams about someone and I'd like them to stop because I have convinced myself that I got the "sign" that it's over and I can move on with my life without feeling guilty. Honestly though, I'd like to believe that I'm a nice person and that I can be forgiven for my mistakes but apparently, I can't. *sigh*

I need to figure out what to do for my birthday this year. I already splurged on a birthday gift to myself (it should arrive in the next 3 weeks!) and on a new fall wardrobe, however I feel I must do something interesting for my 25th birthday. I'm going to be a quarter of a century old! Maybe I'll throw a little soiree...I think I'm going to end up celebrating my birthday alone though.

So there is this ONE thing I REALLY, REALLY want for my birthday but I don't think I'm going to get it. I hate feeling like my life is out of my hands and will be decided by someone else. It's the worst feeling in the world but in some ways, there's no way to escape it. If that someone up there is listening, well...you know what I want.

All right, it's getting late and I have to volunteer tomorrow. Sometimes I seriously wonder if it's worth it to do everything that I'm currently doing. I sincerely hope it is...

blog later
me.