this week is turning out to be a rough week. i somehow managed to do well on my pharmacology exam this morning despite only studying for 3 hours last night. it's a christmas miracle-no joke.

a close friend just got engaged and i'm extremely happy for him. although right after i got off the phone, i started to wonder about myself. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever find someone again who really makes me happy and if i've made the right decisions.

i question myself all the time now. it's not doubt or regret but i just wonder if i've made the right decisions for myself like not going to medical school, working as much as i am right now and what not. i want to believe though that i have it in me to keep going. i like to believe that there isn't an end in sight and that i can go all the way. I would love to get an MBA and go into healthcare administration or the managerial side of things. OR! go work in the pharmaceutical industry and shop at BR and J.Crew all the time. (aren't these great career aspirations?)

yesterday i realized though that the reason i've been so unhappy recently is because i feel the same way i did two years ago. i can't explain it, but what i'm feeling now is totally how i felt then. this empty feeling inside where i am working my ass off and trying to be a good person but i have nothing to show for it.

i'm not saying you shouldn't be a good person but i honestly wonder, what's the point sometimes? what is the point in being a good person when all the things you do are meaningless? maybe that's what's bothering me. that i've entered a vicious cycle where i keep trying but at the same time, keep falling flat on my face.

maybe 2008 will be a new beginning for me. i'm hoping it will be.

hopefully i'll make it to the end of the week although next monday is med chem and i'm definitely not ready. *sigh* wish me luck.