Another long weekend. The things I do for a line on my resume... Gosh! I really hope this grant comes through. I'm pretty sure I won't get it now. Kind of like I am pretty sure the only letters I will be receiving now are rejection letters. I don't really care anymore. I think rejection is good for a person. It grounds you and in some ways, makes you that much stronger. I'm still deeply afraid of being rejected by him or him. I don't think I could handle it.

So I have been talking to someone recently as just a friend. It's so weird though. It's comforting and at the same time, I know that part of me hopes he falls for me only because I fell so hard for him in the past. I am messed up. I'm starting think that it's time to cut back on the 4-hour conversations and the going out for dinner thing. It's not healthy. Besides, my body needs its beauty sleep!

I'm watching Grey's Anatomy and Meredith just said something about how she can't remember her last kiss with McDreamy. I remember the last time I was with him. It actually makes me smile when I think about it. It was such a bittersweet day. I helped him pack for school and I knew that after he left, it would be all over. Seriously, I knew, which is why I let myself move on.

I miss being having someone just make me happy. Not trying to make me happy but just makes me happy. I think that's why I love hanging out with my favorite person. Because everything about him, just makes me happy. As much as I do not enjoy cleaning bodily fluids up on a kitchen floor, I don't mind doing it for him. Because he makes me happy.

Crap. I'm booked every weekend now until June and that's if I don't go to convocation. I don't think I will. I need a trip. I need a vacation. Perhaps I will seek out so and so.

I should pack. I should clean. I am messed up.

blog later.
me.