I don't want to grow up.

I got my MCAT score yesterday and it wasn't stellar. So after reading this, you should get the hint to NOT ask me about my MCAT because it's something I don't want to talk about. Got it? Good. It's not as though I'm not hard enough on myself already. As my friend says, "You are incredible. When you're down, you just keep digging. There's no ground level with you." I suppose it's true. If you've talked to me recently, I probably have already told you about my "theory" which is a quite a morbid and depressing theory. Thus! I will not go into it.

On a brighter note, I figured out a way to avoid all the annoying pre-meds that I am working with for the summer. The thought of spending four more years of school with people like them is frightening and honestly, could completely turn me off from being a doctor. Sometimes, I genuinely wonder what's the point of being a doctor because there are so many ways you can help a person- medicine is not the only one. On top of that, there is so much corruption and bureucracy that goes along with medicine. Have you ever heard of buying groups? I hadn't until this year and it's utterly appalling. And then bonuses for doctors who recruit human research subjects? The organ trade? Crazy stuff I tell you. I won't even get into the ethics lessons and issues I've read and seen first hand this year....

Anyhow! my brilliant plan is I'm going to take my work home with me. Yup! isn't it brilliant? I think it is. I don't have to sit at a computer in an office surrounded by people who don't really do much because in the end, I'm going to be doing the b*tch work. Data entry baby. Oh yes! and deciphering handwriting. My favorite... grrr.

I'm reading the Lazarus Case right now, which is a book about (what else!?) neonatalogy and ethics and is by my B.A advisor. Although the author is not really my B.A advisor because I actually work for (and whose son is one of the greatest people I know in the world) the guy that the book is dedicated to. All rather interesting....

In any case, I don't want to grow up and deal with the future anymore. I want to have fun, rebel for real and enjoy my life because I don't think I have been doing enough of that. Enjoying my life. I can't wait until August 2nd. I also can't wait until this fall because I plan to have some amazing research done for my B.A and I'm going to write a kick-ass thesis. I am determined to. Oh yeah! and the topic... you can just be sure it'll be related to history and neonatalogy. (but of course!)

time to go to sleep (or at least get some rest...)

blog later.
me.