I think I have ghosts. Don't call me crazy, I'm not joking. How do you get over your deepest fears and your greatest insecurities? This is my current battle.

I want so much to be happy. Truly, unconditionally happy. It's so hard though. The slightest thing can upset me, and lately, that thing seems to be my past. I don't know how to forget things. I think that's my greatest strength and biggest flaw. I can remember the most random things and of course, the most painful things. And now, I just want to forget. I want to forget certain things ever happened. Sometimes I wish I was someone else, that I wasn't me. Everyone always thinks it's so great being me. I mean, that there's nothing in my life to complain about. which is completely true. I don't have anything to complain about. But that doesn't mean this pit I feel within isn't there, that it's just in my imagination.

I don't want people to doubt me anymore. It's hard enough when I doubt myself, but I don't need other people doubting me too. I think that's what gets me the most. When people doubt my capabilities and talents. It's not like I'm not hard enough on myself.

All right, I need to go cheer on my boys. They're playing Alabama State right now. I don't expect them to lose. I don't think I can handle another loss... two in one week would be too much.

blog later.
me.