random babble from yours truly

2010-07-23T12:34:00.003-05:00

What I'm thinking right now....

- My poor Quincy (i.e. Camry) is getting beat up! He got hit in the parking lot at work the other night.
- I'm never getting a new car so long as I keep this job.
- I wish my stuff would magically go into boxes on its own.
- Why are guys such boneheads some times?
- I feel like I'm spending so much more money now that I actually make money.
- I wish I had a normal work schedule sometimes.
- I wish I wasn't working another stretch of 10 days straight.
- I can't wait until next weekend.
- I don't know if I'll get another workout in this week.
- I miss my friends.
- My nephews are getting amazingly cute.
- I want a vacation.
- To go to the reception or not?
- I wonder if Eddie Bauer really will give me a new backpack.
- Someone needs to start studying for his boards.
- Three of my exes are getting married this year.
- I don't remember the last time I was in Hyde Park.
- I don't remember the last time I actually saw my parents.
- I work too much.

2010-05-10T01:13:00.002-05:00

i passed!!

you can now consider me any of the following:
- legalized drug dealer
- overpaid cashier
- human pill counter
- pill monkey
- pharmacist.

oh! and cold is gone too. yay!

2010-04-28T16:54:00.002-05:00

i am hoping and praying that tomorrow will be the last of it and i will never have to study for these exams again.

Well, I haven't been doing much studying today anyway. Stupid f-ing head cold. I don't understand how I got sick to begin with but seriously, after I took part I of license exam torture, i came home and had the worst headache EVER. Come yesterday morning and I felt like absolute crap (apparently to my parents, I looked that way too.)

So today, I've been doing nothing except shopping, procrastinating on fb and briefly reviewed my law notes. Am I screwed for tomorrow morning? Perhaps. Do I care? Not really. Normally, my neurotic self would be freaking out about not passing but this f-ing cold is sucking the life out of me. I don't even think I can think straight without some sudafed and motrin. (Mind you in IL, you can only purchase 7.5 g in a 30 day period. Gotta love the meth makers out there for that one...)

in any case, today i was thinking about two boys. one, now has facial hair, the other, does not. mustache-less boy wants me to change certain aspects of how i look. at first, i thought he was crazy and frankly, i was quite insulted. and as i discussed his "requests" with my friends, they were just as disgusted as i initially was. but then i started to think about mustached boy and how he was cool with how i looked/dressed, but not so cool with some other things. things that were important to me like honesty.

so now i'm starting to think in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if someone wants to change the way you look but they don't want to change anything about you as a person? i don't know, i think other boys in my life have committed far worst crimes and my friends weren't jumping to persecute them.

i don't know. i'm all perplexed. i think this cold is doing things to my brain.

in any case, i'm off to fake-nap some more.

blog later.

2010-04-23T00:46:00.002-05:00

boards are in 3 days and i have done no studying today. all i've done is watch trashy reality tv.

i am screwed.

i am so stressed that i can cry when i stop to let my mind think. i dream the craziest things and wake up every morning wondering how i'm going to get through the next week.

i need a friend. i need a hug. i need something.

i hope i make it through the next week.

2010-04-01T15:34:00.002-05:00

i am stressed. it sucks.

i'm starting to miss aspects of my former life. for instance, i miss having that have someone i can call on at any time of the day for anything. i miss knowing that he will listen to me vent, cry and scream because he knows it makes me feel better. i miss having that friend in my life that i can always count on.

if there's one thing i've always hated about dating it's that when you break up, you tend to lose a best friend. at least that's been the case for me.

i could use a best friend right now. a best friend on call for the next month would be ideal. but i don't think that's going to happen any time soon.

at least i still have shopping.

2010-03-15T11:31:00.002-05:00

so i graduated. for a while, graduation seemed like a dream but it happened. i still can't believe it happened. the day itself was very surreal. note to self though: give yourself more than 15 mins when getting ready for graduation.

so now i'm doing nothing. it's quite nice. just returned from what will likely be my last trip for a while. went to nyc with friends. very interesting. and now, it's time to suck it up and start studying for the boards. i am not looking forward to these exams. yuck.

i'm not really sure what i'm writing. part of me wonders if a certain person still checks this blog now and then to figure out what's going on with me. it hit me a few weeks ago though it's been 4 years. sometimes i wonder if i'll throw myself into work like that again. i can see it happening. it was good though. exhausting, but good in a way. i think i just needed to shut things out like that for 4 years. i'd say i'm pretty healed. well, i'd like to believe i am.

but now it's time to face life and learn to trust again. i hate that. i hate having to trust again and be vulnerable. but i guess you can't get anywhere if you don't.

all right, time to get ready. need to run errands and going to see two of the cutest people in this world!!

blog later.
me.

2010-02-23T00:25:00.003-06:00

it's my last week of pharmacy school EVER. i'm excited but also nervous about what's to come. boards are in the back of my mind but so are so many other things.

i can't stop thinking about how 2010 is turning out. there have already been two new blessings in my life and i know there are more to come. but then i also think about people i care about and the losses and hardship they've had to endure already this year.

i feel kind of guilty that i'm in such a happy place. it doesn't seem right. i shouldn't have it this easy i think but then i also feel like i do deserve it. after all, 2003-04 was NOT my year.

but i am happy. i have no complaints.

thanks for everything.

2010-01-30T22:40:00.001-06:00

i've just decided: napa for my 30th birthday.

2010-01-29T01:10:00.002-06:00

things are going well, except for the fact that my sleep schedule is totally screwed. hopefully, i will return to normal by next week.

there are two new wonderful guys in my life. i haven't got to spend a lot of time with them but i'm looking forward to our future together. i can't wait to see how their personalities develop. one of them already seems to be quite feisty while the other is very zen. it's great.

graduation is coming up. about a month away now. i am bubbling with excitement. it's been a long four years. everyone said that the four years would go by quickly but i don't think they did at all. it was a good four years though. i didn't think things would turn out the way they did but i have no complaints.

this year, so far, is turning out pretty interesting. i have a feeling that this is going to be one of the best years for me. maybe it's because i'm starting to embrace certain things and am now more willing to try new things. who knows. either way, 2010 is shaping up nicely. not bad.
not bad at all.

2010-01-12T22:02:00.003-06:00

i'm torn between pursuing other jobs or just looking forward to the one i have agreed to. b-school is on hold for the moment but hasn't left my mind. i know i'm burned out but i also know that 6 months from now, after i'm working, i'll be hungry for another challenge and will want to continue to pursue my "career." ugh. at the same time, i don't want to be feeling what i'm feeling now which is wondering why i devoted so much time to work and so little time to play over the last 4 years.

but i do wish i let myself have a little more fun. don't get me wrong though. i'm more than happy with the way things have turned out for myself. i mean, i have a job, in this freakishly awful economy and horrible state. i say "horrible" because there are no drug dealer jobs in Chicago (there are jobs though in boo-fu, IL.)

anyhow! this wasn't the point of my post. the point of my post was, I HATE PACKING! ugh. i hate packing with a passion. i have never liked it.

i know i'm going to miss my lil stint in streeterville but i'm looking forward to returning to my humble abode. and bed.

6 more weeks people. game on.

2010-01-04T00:10:00.002-06:00

hmm... apparently i didn't follow through on my countdown to the new year. i guess i will just list nine things i'm looking forward to this year.

9. hanging out with my nephews. (notice the plural form!)
8. taking trips not associated with a friend's wedding
7. having entire weekends free.
6. steady income.
5. seeing a sports game.
4. sex and the city 2.
3. reunions.
2. living my life.
1. having fun.

i didn't make any formal new year's resolutions but i guess i do have one. i'm not going to take things too seriously. i think i'm starting to realize that life's too short and i haven't been having enough fun in my life.

hope you all had a nice new year's.

2009-12-22T23:55:00.002-06:00

10. vacations.

2009-12-22T01:03:00.002-06:00

christmas is in 3 days.
2010 happens in 11 days.

i'm enjoying my first winter break in 3 years. i love it.

i've been doing nothing but sleep, watching movies and shopping. it has been wonderful.

in honor though of the new year, i will make a countdown and for each day until the new year, i'm going to state one thing i'm looking forward to next year. so without further delay....

THINGS I'm looking forward to in 2010:
11. graduation. (surprise, surprise.)

2009-09-28T21:53:00.001-05:00

curious to know if the person or persons who designed the seahawks' uniform yesterday still have a job.

2009-08-23T22:44:00.001-05:00

shooting for 75% all around...

2009-08-22T22:27:00.000-05:00

i could use a beta blocker or some lorazepam right now.

2009-08-12T22:01:00.000-05:00

can i exchange my parents for another set?

2009-08-12T00:45:00.002-05:00

i decided today that come jan. 1, i'm saying good-bye to the ghetto pharmacy. it's time to reclaim my weekends.

may the countdown begin.

2009-08-07T18:19:00.002-05:00

i'm starting to think i might have to work after graduation and hold off on b-school, given the rate i am purchasing jewelry...

2009-08-03T20:56:00.002-05:00

ok. so i should have been studying all day but i'm pretty proud of myself right now. i swapped the desk in my room with the computer desk in the second bedroom, ALL BY MYSELF!

come on... that's kind of impressive.

now off for some gmat torture.

2009-08-02T00:43:00.003-05:00

i don't understand how my parents are so irresponsible. seriously. i don't understand how it is that i always get to places on time and my parents NEVER arrive on time. and it doesn't take me forever to pack or plan anything. it's just beyond me. makes no sense.

2009-07-18T23:59:00.003-05:00

i can't stop listening to "gravity" by sara bareilles. it is SUCH a good song.

i didn't open a book tonight. *sigh* so tired. i don't know why. work wasn't even that bad today but then again, it was work.

listening to this song makes me wonder how things got so difficult. sometimes i wish my life was simple and straightforward. i wish i could learn to settle but i don't think i know how to.

i've decided that once i know my post-grad plans i'm going to have a spa day and also go on another trip. i'm anxious for this year to be over because i have a feeling that 2010 is going to be a great year.

2009-07-13T16:28:00.001-05:00

i realize this is horrible of me to say/write but i smiled when i saw that romo dumped j. simpson.

i mean, honestly, did anyone think that was going to last?

2009-07-08T23:26:00.002-05:00

i take back everything i wrote before.

suddenly, moving to the west coast or east coast after graduation doesn't seem like a bad idea after all. in fact, i have more motivation now to get into my dream schools so i can tell two people to "shove it."

i can't help but wonder why this constantly happens to me. i feel like i'm always fighting to be happy. honestly, it shouldn't be this hard. right? i mean, really. if people truly care about you, then they'll want the best for you and they will WANT to see you happy. at least, that's what i always thought. but i'm beginning to realize (much to my dismay) that it doesn't work that way.

i hate this feeling. i hate it so much. now i remember why i threw myself into work after i moved back to chicago. and why i've continued to put all my attention/energy in advancing my career. because i swear the running theme of my life over the last few years is that the people you think you can trust, the people who you thought had your back and who you thought understood you - they don't. and in fact, they have their own agendas that you're just supposed to follow and that should be enough to make you happy. nevermind how you feel - it's all about them.

i will never forget sitting alone, in my apartment and vowing to myself that i will NEVER let someone else's intentions/beliefs/feelings come before my own. honestly, if i've learned anything it's that the only person i can count on to look out for me is myself.

2009-07-08T13:00:00.002-05:00

ok. so i'm calmer now. unfortunately (or fortunately?) i now know how to manipulate my parents. i realize that's a horrible thing to say but honestly, the sheer amount of crap i put up with in comparison to my siblings is ridiculous. and i figure if they expect me to deal with so much, i must get something in return. i realize one may argue that my schooling and their financial support is enough but seriously, it's ridiculous what they have me/ask me to do sometimes. not to mention, my mother's stupid line of thinking.

please explain to me the rationale behind telling me that it's more important for me to find a good husband who can take care of me instead of focusing my efforts on advancing my career. someone please explain this to me.

in any case, my vacation is set and i'm looking forward to it. i, however, cannot say the same about this stupid test.

seriously, i don't remember the PCAT or MCAT being this annoying. nor do i remember this freaked out about college or pharmacy school applications. is b-school going to be this nerve wrecking? i seriously hope not.

all right, enough procrastination on my part. i'm off to attempt my first practice test. so far i've only done 0.333 of a test.

wish me luck.

blog later.
me.

2009-06-24T22:54:00.004-05:00

wtf!? the more and more i spend time with my parents, the more and more i'm thinking that i've been way to f-ing good to them the last 3 years. yes, they've been very generous and supportive and in return i've been EXTREMELY helpful and nice to them. What's more, I think it's absolute crap that they continue to lean on me and expect me to never complain. utter and complete BULL$HIT.

You know what else I think is total crap? That my mom is stuck in the freaking 1950s. WTF!? Why is it so hard to believe that your daughter might be quite competent and capable and does not need a husband to take care of her. And umm... why the hell are you telling me to SETTLE when it comes to my goals!?!?

I've decided that my upcoming trip that's supposed to be a vacation will be as much of a vacation as it can possibly be. You will have to PAY ME EXTRA if you expect me to share a hotel room with my psycho parents. A weekend with them is no vacation. BELIEVE ME.

People think I'm this horrible daughter because I say I'm charging my parents for the shit they ask me to do. Umm.... no. If you had to put up with as much I have, my guess is by now you would have either 1) told your parents to f-off 2) gone into self-imposed exile or 3) charged them triple what I'm charging my parents. ugh. it's so f-ing ridiculous.

Anyhow! off to work on my resume since I'm slowly hatching a plan to get away from the crazies.

blog later.
me.

2009-06-16T00:58:00.001-05:00

buhloong vs. GMAT
Aug. 25, 2009

**
i'm currently training for this fight. wish me luck until then! (i will need it.)

2009-03-30T21:26:00.001-05:00

hoping that it's all a rumor.

2009-02-10T23:35:00.000-06:00

b-school or bankable income?

2009-01-16T21:24:00.001-06:00

no power in 0 degree weather is NOT pleasant.

2009-01-15T21:22:00.000-06:00

it is f-ing cold.

2008-11-28T01:23:00.000-06:00

Tonight was a rerun of Oprah's "Pay it Forward" giveaway. She gave every audience member a $1000 Bank of America gift card and told them they had to spend the money on a stranger.

As I was watching the show, I was also making my christmas list (i.e. gifts I still need to buy.) And it occurred to me that I could be doing more for other people this year.

Ever since I graduated from college, I have tried to participate in at least one toy or gift drive. But given the economy this year, I was planning on donating to at least 2 or 3. Then I realized that I could get MORE help if I asked my friends to help me and to give me the money that they would've spent on my birthday & christmas gift to my cause or just donate themselves to a charity.

So I'm hoping this all works out and my friends will come through. I know they will. The one thing I really needed to get/wanted this year for my birthday was a nice bag to take on rotations and well... I bought that for myself 2 weeks ago as my birthday gift to myself.

Anyhow, for anyone reading this that's a friend, now you know what I want for my birthday & christmas. And for anyone reading this that I don't know, I hope you'll consider donating this year to someone in need.

I know I've been really lucky and blessed with the family and friends that I have. I'll admit too that it helps to know that I am in a field where I'll be needed and I don't have to worry about job security. So this year, I'm thankful and grateful for where I am in life and now, I just want to as Oprah says, "pay it forward."

Happy Thanksgiving (even though it's past Thanksgiving.)
buhloong.

2008-11-16T20:21:00.000-06:00

Duke almost lost to Rhode Island!?!?

i don't know if i can handle this kind of dissappointment this early in the season...

2008-10-25T22:09:00.000-05:00

I DO NOT understand how my parents are my parents!

seriously. how is it that they are so INCREDIBLY IRRESPONSIBLE!?!

it's so irritating and frustrating.

2008-10-23T23:43:00.000-05:00

i am P-O-O-P-E-D.

is it sad that i'm excited that i'm a loser this weekend and have no social or family functions to attend to, no exam to cram for and am just looking forward to sleeping in on sunday?

2008-10-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

things i've decided over the past 48 hours:
- cutting bread when i'm tired is NOT a good idea.
- there is a midterm fairy.
- brad maynard is hilarious.
- i want a job where i can walk to work.

2008-10-17T23:48:00.000-05:00

today = good ole fashion beating.

2008-10-16T00:39:00.000-05:00

holy crap. this quarter is over in 4 weeks. *gulp*

thinking about all the crap that i have to do in the next 2 weeks and my future is stressing me out.

i don't like thinking about my future. i especially don't like thinking about what i want to do with my life after graduation because to be honest, the 6-figure salary is MIGHTY tempting.

wish me luck.

2008-10-08T00:19:00.000-05:00

today in class, the lecture was on grief and mourning. it made me think about someone's death, how much she meant to me and how i still miss her.

hopefully, i'm making her proud.

2008-10-06T22:14:00.001-05:00

i need a vacation. for real.

2008-09-29T21:39:00.000-05:00

SO! last Friday, after my therapeutics exam and work, I decided to treat myself to a season of The Closer. I was waiting ALL week to buy the DVD set because I figured I did not deserve the treat until AFTER my exam.

I go into Best Buy, I pick up The Closer season 2, I check out. I come home, open the DVD and then I realize... damn it. I already own this DVD.

Needless to say, I felt like a complete dumbass. Why in the world my mind was programmed to pick up the DVD set that I already own, I don't know. But I did and I opened it and thus am now stuck with two sets The Closer season 2. I attribute all of this to going shopping after my exam, after work and not getting enough sleep the night before because I was trying to cram as much oncology into my head as humanly possible.

So Saturday, because the sale was about to end and I still wanted The Closer season 1, I trekked out to Best Buy and bought it for myself. I figured I still deserved it, despite being a dumbass the night before.

What is the point to this story, besides me being an idiot?

I ROCKED MY THERAPEUTICS EXAM!!!!

I had to tell someone and most importantly, now I don't feel so stupid for buying the same DVD.

2008-09-23T00:09:00.000-05:00

so! after getting lost last week...again, my sister was so kind as to loan me her GPS. Let's hope i'm not so pathetic that i'll still get lost, despite having the garmin.

in other news, first exam friday. yuck. learning chemo in two and a half weeks is NOT fun. it hasn't been that bad but it's still NOT fun.

oh! i just watched the summer finale of the closer. umm... i was SQUEEZING my blanket for the last 15 minutes. SOOOOOO intense. SOOOOOO good. i love that show.

ok. i need to recover from the closer. it was THAT intense. seriously.

2008-09-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

it's getting late and i still have to review my therapeutics notes. can i just say that this quarter is starting out SUPER depressing? learning about cancer and how everything i use and touch is polluting the water supply with unwanted chemicals is just depressing.

so! to cheer myself up and because i'm not ready to tacke my notes yet, i'm going to be vain and greedy and write out a list of things i want. here i go!

things i want (in no particular order)
- the poang foot stool from Ikea to go with the chair in my living room
- a GPS system
- an awesome GMAT score
- getting into the GSB
- offers for jobs where the starting salary is 6-figures
- a maid
- a headboard for my full size bed
- seasons 2 and 3 of The Closer
- gas under $4 a gallon
- a shopping spree at Banana Republic
- an A in therapeutics
- more free time
- more sleep

all right, time to get ready for bed and other stuff.

blog later.

2008-09-10T21:06:00.000-05:00

ok... so this is a little late but i just thought i'd say that i'm reveling in delight that a certain New England quarterback is out for the season.

I don't like to see people hurt, and i wouldn't wish a torn ACL on anyone, but! I just think it's funny how karma is coming back to bite a certain New England team in the a--. i suppose that should be a lesson to all the other NFL teams... get caught cheating and one day you too could lose your MVP quarterback.

gosh this season is going to be fun to watch!

2008-09-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

i...am...so...tired.

i'm so tired i want to cry.

today has been a horrible day. i seriously wanted to just start crying in the middle of class today because i was utterly exhausted and so frustrated with the day. weather was shitty, i was late to my class that's taught by the dean of students and i'm scrambling to plan a company outing. it's just been a horrible day all together and i wish i could crawl into a hole and hide forever but i can't because today was only the first day of school and i've got 9 more months to trudge through.

i hate being this tired. i have feeling tired. i hate being so tired i can't think. and when i can't think, i start to get stupid. ugh.

i'm not doubting myself but there are days where i wonder if i'll be able to pull it all off. have my cake and eat it too. i think i'm making the right decisions but then there are moments where i just question myself. i hate not being able to trust my own judgment. i used to be so sure of myself and the decisions i was making but now, i question everything.

so tired.

2008-08-29T10:13:00.000-05:00

i just woke up from a bad dream. not a nightmare, but a bad dream. upon waking up, it took me a moment to figure out where i was as i slept in the second bedroom last night instead of my bedroom because my sheets weren't dry yet.

in any case, worst dream i've had in a while. i remember most of it, especially the part that really sucked. i have no idea what to make of it. really, it was pretty upsetting on a variety of levels.

today, i need to do so many things and i'm just so unmotivated. last night though, i did wash my car runners so now quincy will be pretty freaking clean. probably the cleanest he's been in 3 years.

i desperately want a vacation but the next week will just be like every other week this summer - work and trying to get my stuff together. ugh.

hopefully, i'll get to sleep in at least one more time before classes start.

blog later.
buhloong

2008-08-14T23:00:00.000-05:00

I think it's utter and complete bs that the IOC and FIG are refusing to look into the ages of the Chinese gymnasts and ACTUALLY believe all those girls are 16 years old.

total crap.

2008-08-12T23:02:00.000-05:00

ugh. i can't watch the women's gymnastics team final anymore. not only is it so sad to see the US slipping/falling/bouncing out of bounds, I think it's absolutely RIDICULOUS that the world is supposed to believe that those Chinese gymnasts are all 16 years old!!

totally ridiculous.

liars aren't supposed to win.... it's just not right.

2008-07-13T23:45:00.000-05:00

oy.

so! leave it to me to catch at cold when it's 90 degrees outside. i HATE being sick when it's nice out. it totally sucks. and this clicking noise i hear whenever i swallow is freakishly annoying too.

anyhow! i'm hoping that my outline will pass the prof test tomorrow. who knew researching alternative medicine and traditional chinese medicine would be so hard!?!?

*sigh* i SO need a vacation.

2008-07-05T00:36:00.000-05:00

so last night because i was itching ALL over (and still am) I decided instead of trying to apply cortisone cream all over myself, i would just pop a benedryl.

i slept for 14 hours last night because of the benedryl and now i can't fall asleep.

fabulous.

i really hate summertime bugs.

2008-07-04T21:46:00.000-05:00

yesterday afternoon, i had 5 itchy little bug bites.

now, i have 20.

i hate summer.

2008-06-30T23:00:00.000-05:00

I need a vacation.

2008-06-23T00:27:00.001-05:00

i wish i had amnesia.

2008-06-19T22:55:00.000-05:00

last summer, it was my work schedule that killed me.

this year? allergies.

shoot me now.

2008-06-05T14:45:00.000-05:00

what i'm doing these days:
- trying to find a cheap flight to Providence
- planning an Asian themed vegetarian bridal shower
- researching ways to make summer centerpieces for under $10
- sleeping in
- shopping
- watching t.v
- working part time
- and cooking!

2008-05-29T00:15:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I can stop smiling. I totally feel redeemed. Not only that! but I'm looking forward to finally being able to get a full night's sleep sans migraines since finals are no longer haungting me.

Looking back on the week though, these are the lessons I've learned:
1) The key to not having your crazy Taiwanese parents get on your case about grades is to be even crazier than them. You know you have acheived this when your parents suggest that you go on a vacation and offer to pay for said vacation.
2) Don't change answers on a multiple choice exam. Go with what you write down at first.
3) Buying Coach purses is an expensive habit.
4) The Les Miserables 10th anniversary concert is simply amazing.
5) There is a GPA fairy.

2008-05-13T21:45:00.001-05:00

i don't know if i'm going to make it to friday..... i don't know if my GPA is going to survive this quarter either.

2008-05-08T22:36:00.000-05:00

x. zhang, you suck.

2008-04-24T21:11:00.000-05:00

i think my conscience is finally forgiving me.

last night i dreamt about him... again. this time though, i didn't dream about the two of us being together or him taking me back and saying he forgave me for all the horrible things i did. this time, i dreamt i stumbled upon his wedding webpage online and read his "how we met" story with his fiancee. i can even remember where they met (it was china, he was there on a trip) and her name was "hilary."

you probably think i'm crazy, that my subconscience would go so far and dream all of this but when i woke up this morning from my dream, part of me was sad and part of me was relieved.

the fact that i HAD this dream, to me, is extreme progress. honestly, for the longest time i was wondering if my subconscience would ever forgive me and i think last night, it finally did. i don't know what brought it on but lemme tell you, after 5 years of having the SAME dream, it was nice for a change.

it was another long day and my allergies are in overdrive. looking forward to the weekend but not my therapeutics exam on monday. if ever i needed a prayer answer, it would be for monday afternoon.

anyhow. i think i can now officially say, i'm over him now.

2008-04-16T23:50:00.000-05:00

i think i want to quit my job and use the time that i would have spent working volunteering. honestly, it's weird not volunteering somewhere or somehow. i feel like i need to do something besides working and studying because i'm not giving back to the world enough. we'll see... i'm starting the org hunt. i'm leaning towards an org that does job coaching or volunt eering my event planning skills. ha ha! did i mention that i just got tapped to plan another company outing?

anyhow! no exams this week. yay! i have to start saving money for all the out-of-town weddings i must attend to this year. AWESOME. I'm totally happy that two of my closest friends are getting married. I just wish I had a REAL job that umm... paid me.

all right, i think i'm going to do some work. i've been a total bum today... again. goodness i'm becoming a heffer.

blog later.
me.

2008-04-09T00:30:00.000-05:00

Cardiology and ID are killing me.

2008-04-07T22:54:00.000-05:00

what a terrible tourney this year.

duke lost in the 2nd round.
davidson didn't make it to the final four.
and kansas WON!!

I do NOT like Kansas. I do NOT like Bill Self. My disdain for Mr. Self is almost as great as my disdain for Mr. Brady... almost, but not quite there.

*sigh* maybe next year.

5 weeks until I'm DONE!!! (pray for me until then.)

2008-04-06T01:44:00.000-05:00

i've finally started the process of trying to leave my job at the ghetto pharmacy in hp. the commute, dealing with the family and the crappy grades are starting to get to me.

and i've also realized that i don't have the patience or tolerance anymore to deal with my incomptent co-worker.

2008-03-30T23:04:00.000-05:00

i want my weekends back.

2008-03-24T23:34:00.002-05:00

thank goodness it's a new week. i hope to never have another weekend like the one that just passed...

2008-03-15T22:35:00.000-05:00

today was a strange day. i think i'm slowly regaining my sanity and control of my emotions. i found out that my former piano teacher passed away this past week. just the other day i was planning on calling her to see if she received my letter and package. i still hope she did get it.

i like to believe that i have no regrets but i totally regret not contacting her sooner. even though she wasn't my first piano teacher, and this sounds corny, but she totally believed in me and stuck by me. honestly, there were times i think she saw more in talent in me than i thought was really there. and i will be forever grateful that she taught me how to play "fantasie impromptu." i really do think that is my all time favorite classical piece.

so the memorial service is next saturday and i plan on attending. i'm supposed to have dinner with a friend the night before. i don't know if i'll be great company. i am not a fan of funerals and memorial services. really, i'm not. no one probably is but i think i take the passing of people i cared about or care about particularly hard.

part of me is kind of happy to be in hyde park right now. i plan on hanging out with my boyfriend, joe regenstein tomorrow but there's a good chance that i'll end up attempting to work from home. we'll see how successful i am there.

i still can't believe she's gone. it's bringing back memories that i'd rather forget right now. *sigh*

2008-03-13T00:37:00.000-05:00

stupid me thought reading my therapeutics text would help me fall asleep. now i have a ridiculous headache. FABULOUS.

in other news, i love my internship. i absolutely LOVE my internship. it's kind of crazy how happy i am with my job, despite working almost every day this week and not being able to wear jeans anymore.

what else? congrats to a certain someone with the new job. someone, i had a feeling about monday night that good things were going to happen but maybe that's just me watching too much Medium.

it's starting to get warmer which is also fabulous because then i can start wearing flats again! yay!

and last but not least, i've decided that i'm not going to ask boys out anymore or any variation on that question. i think i've met my quota for the year.

all right, bed time.

blog later.
me.

2008-03-09T23:41:00.001-05:00

i hate UNC.

2008-03-03T23:35:00.000-06:00

so i'm feeling a little better now after ordering a friend's birthday gift.

i wrote a letter to my former piano teacher tonight. my mom told me yesterday that she has cancer. my heart kind of sank when she told me because a family friend who also took piano with my teacher told me a few months ago that our former teacher was asking about me and wanted me to contact her. i feel so bad that it's taken cancer to get me to contact her.

what do you send/give to a person with cancer? i decided i'm going to send her a picture from my piano recital my senior year. it's a picture of her with me and her other students that attended my recital. the picture is 10 years old but i don't think i ever gave a copy to her and i'm hoping it will make her smile.

when i was looking for the picture, i came across some other pictures from high school. gosh! i was so skinny. i kind of miss being that thin. but i'm not going to complain. i think i'm at a much better place now in my life than where i was in high school. there are still times though when all of this is pretty surreal to me. i mean, i can't believe i have my own place, i'm in professional school, i have an amazing internship and i have a job where i actually think i'm pretty good at what i do. not to mention, i have a semi-functional relationship with my parents and pretty cool relationship with my siblings.

anyhow! i still can't believe that someone i used to spend SO much time with is now so sick. she totally believed in me too. i mean, she totally saw something in me back then that i never saw myself. and i hate knowing the reality of cancer. i hate knowing what's to come.

call me crazy, but i really am hoping for a miracle.

2008-02-25T17:40:00.000-06:00

i think my alcohol dehydrogenase gene codes for some crappy enzyme.

2008-02-21T16:07:00.000-06:00

so! i got over my GPA-induced depression and went to the mall.

3 dresses and 1 tunic top later, I'm feeling much better. =)

Unfortunately, I didn't find a pair of boots or heels for work. seriously, since when did it become so hard to buy a pair of new shoes?

2008-02-21T13:10:00.000-06:00

well, this is a first. i need to go to the mall but i'm too lazy to get my $hit together and head out. *sigh* and i really do need a new pair of shoes for work because stupid me bought a crap load of ballet flats to wear to work but the weather has not been conducive to wearing ballet flats.

anyhow! i need to vent. i already vented today to my professor but i still need to vent. it's been a long and frustrating week. scratch that. this quarter has just been long and painful and honestly, after finding out that half of my class had a copy of the med chem final BEFORE the final, i feel like there's just no point in studying anymore. i can't compete with people who have answers to the exam before the exam- there's just no way. and while i know i've done my hardest this quarter to stay on top of everything, i still feel like i've let myself down.

i don't know. stress is a terrible thing. my shoulder has been acting up and i'm almost positive finals are to blame. and my eating has been all over the place too, although tonight i hope to be a little healther (soup and salad is the plan.)

anyhow! i probably should get going and try to run some errands. what a crappy, crappy, week. i keep hoping that something good will happen (perhaps acing all my finals?), to make it all better, but i'm not holding my breath anymore.

well, hopefully some quality time at the Gap and Banana Republic will do the trick.

blog later.
me.

2008-02-20T23:44:00.000-06:00

96-95!?!?!? are you kidding me!?!?

oh my gosh... i don't know if i can handle two losses to unranked teams on top of finals.

2008-02-20T13:59:00.000-06:00

i love how i slaved away at the library for 5 hours on sunday studying for my pharmacology final only to miss getting an A in the class by 2 questions!

and then there's me and APC... the final that I started studying for while watching a Gossip Girl rerun and then stopped studying for so I could give my undivided attention to Medium. And what is the result for that class? I scraped by and got my A.

So! the way I see it... the more I watch TV, the better I do on my finals. Let's hope the formula works for my med chem final that I just took (mind you, I decided to watch all of American Idol last night instead of study. =)

yes folks, I am embracing the slacker within.

2008-02-19T17:49:00.000-06:00

does anyone want to take my med chem and therapeutics finals for me? anyone?

2008-02-18T23:44:00.000-06:00

the next final is in 9 hours and what am i doing instead of studying?
deleting old e-mails from my ex-boyfriend.

i think i've taken my procrastination to a new level now....

2008-02-18T18:02:00.000-06:00

1 down, 4 to go.

i have done NOTHING today. honestly, I am finding new ways to avoid studying despite the fact that umm... the GPA this quarter... ain't so hot.

Well, part of my brain is retaining some information regarding the synthesis and structural junk i need to know with regards to thyroid hormones.... and how to dose insulin.

on the bright side, no zocor for me! yay! LDL and TG levels weren't hot but who knew lil ol me had so much HDL in her! yay! that's 1 less risk factor to worry about... =)

i need to study....and stop eating junk food. gosh, i hate finals. cannot WAIT till Friday.

Current plan for Friday after work: a trip to Oak Brook Shopping Center to return some stuff and then a trip to by Cheesecake Factory to pick up a "yay for surviving the worst quarter in pharmacy school EVER" treat.

finals. good times i tell ya, good times.

2008-02-17T23:55:00.000-06:00

shoot me now... please.

8 hours until the 1st final. i don't know if i'm going to make it to friday. no joke.

oh gosh... just thinking of the various beatings i'm going to take this week make my head hurt.

well folks, wish me luck. actually, scratch that. pray for me. luck isn't going to help me at all- i'm going to need a miracle.

2008-02-17T15:43:00.000-06:00

my head is ready to explode.

i seriously HATE finals.

to keep me going, here is a list of things i hope to accomplish over my "spring break":
- organize my closet and put away all my clean clothes.
- work LESS than 30 hours.
- go to the symphony and Art Institute
- eat somewhere fabulous
- get my tax stuff ready
- buy myself something pretty (either a new pair of heels or a purse.)
- have a midori sour
- sleep in at least 3 out of the 9 days
- watch Sex & the City while drinking my moscato
- trek up to Madison (i really don't want to do this though.)

oh my gosh, I SO want to be done with this quarter.... gosh I hate finals.

2008-02-13T22:59:00.000-06:00

it's official: i need a maid... or at least someone to clean and organize my condo.

2008-02-13T21:42:00.001-06:00

quite honestly, i'm more worried about my cholesterol test tomorrow than my 5 finals next week.

2008-02-07T00:22:00.000-06:00

okay, if pharmacy school doesn't work out, and event planning doesn't work out, i'm becoming a personal shopper.

i was looking at family picture from christmas and the sweater my brother's wearing, the shirt my nephew is wearing and the sweater my bro-in-law is wearing were all gifts from me! apparently people like the clothes i buy them. =)

in other news, I ABHORE this weather. today i got so pissed with all the puddles and wet snow that i went out and bought a pair of weather proof shoes. they are like giant clogs but if they'll keep my feet warm and dry, i'll be happy.

two more weeks until a lil freedom. wish me luck....

2008-02-04T22:54:00.000-06:00

so... call me crazy, but watching tv tonight made me feel SO much better about my life. no seriously. it did.

quite honestly, i cringe every time i watch a television show or a movie that involves a storyline where boy sleeps with random girls in the mist of a break-up or boy cheats on girl then lies about it and tries to win her back. i don't know why it bothers me so much because well... every TV show seems to reuse those storylines but it just does.

anyhow! back to my point. i'm watching tv tonight and the girl on the show (whose fiance cheated on her) freaks on when she's on a date with an incredibly nice and sweet guy. she literally FLIPS out on the guy and the guy just tells her to chill out and that he isn't looking for anything serious and just wanted to take her out and show her a good time. why i found this comforting, i don't know but for once it made me think that all guys are not the devil reincarnated.

i'm probably not making much sense and that's probably because i'm developing a GPA-downslide induced depression and am sleep deprived. on the bright side, i got 2 pairs of pants today that i can wear to work that don't require tailoring! yay!

all right, i really do need to get some sleep. blog later and umm.. drive safely.

2008-02-04T00:10:00.000-06:00

okay, aside from seeing the giants beat the patriots (take that mr. brady!) i am just happy to be alive. seriously.

you know, driving in WHITE OUT conditions is NOT fun. nor is it a good thing when your windshield wipers are clearing off CHUNKS of snow, instead of melted snowflakes off the glass. Furthermore, you know it's bad when you start hearing this horrible noise which only happens when you're starting to drive OFF The road (because the sides of the roads have those bump borders and you can't tell the lanes because the roads haven't been cleaned and all the cars are making up lanes for themselves) AND! the top halves of all the road signs are covered in snow so you can't tell where the hell you're going. yes folks, wet snow sticks to metal road signs.

i honestly was scared that i was going to miss my exit and end up in iowa or something. no joke.

this just goes to show that despite my utter disdain for driving, i am competent enough to drive in snow now. (it only took what... 10 years?)

2008-01-29T21:44:00.000-06:00

i am so tired, i want to cry. that's how tired i am.

i'm not ready for my exam on friday. ugh... and i can't skip lecture friday morning.

work is hectic because there is just so much to do! and only 1 buhloong.

and i REALLY, REALLY do not want to work this weekend or study for med chem.

i sound whiney.

honestly, i'm not complaining. i'm just POOPED!

2008-01-28T21:36:00.000-06:00

so! karma did not reward me with an A on my pharmacology exam today. f. I'm kind of peeved with myself because I totally could have gotten an A had I not made STUPID mistakes... stupid f-ing benzodiazipines used for seizures instead of abstaining from alcohol.... and abilify TOTALLY can cause hyperglycemia which is why diabetics should be aware! argh. f. f. f.

anyhow! now I have NO buffer going into finals for pharmacology. All GPA hope lies with Drug Liter. Fabulous.

did i mention I have a therapeutics exam this Friday and a wonderful Med Chem exam on Monday? That's right folks... my ass is getting served this week.

*sigh*

well, it was nice being smart or feeling smart for a few months....

2008-01-27T13:21:00.000-06:00

my good deed for the day - a story by buhloong

so! i'm walking to meet up with my new bff, joe p. regenstein and instead of taking 57th st. i take 56th st (i'm lazy.)

i am admiring the houses that line the street and am wondering to myself, "where do they drop off the mail? there are no mail slots on the doors or mailboxes in front." as i'm thinking this to myself, i notice that in one of the houses, someone has left their keys in the door. since i can't figure out where to drop the keys off in the mail, i ring the doorbell to see if someone is home.

a woman, opens the window from the 3rd floor and shouts, "who is it?"

i reply, "umm... you left your keys in the door."

she screams, "oh my goodness!" the window shuts, and i can hear someone shuffling down steps from inside the house.

a few moments later, a former female Illinois senator opens the door and says,"oh my goodness! you are an angel! thank you!"

"no problem," i say and go on my merry way to meet up with my bff.

as the former senator closes the door, i can hear her shout, "Rob!" who I'm guessing is the culprit that left the keys in the door.

So is the story of my good deed for the day. maybe karma will reward me with an A on my pharmacology exam tomorrow morning...

2008-01-23T23:00:00.000-06:00

My GPA is falling as quickly as the temperature outside... NOT good.

i really hate 7:30 AM exams.

and i really should be studying but one can only stare at drug lit notes for so long.

i am so sick of the words relative risk, absolute risk, alpha, beta, power, p-value, std deviation, standard error of the mean and odds ratio.

i can't wait for February 5th.

2008-01-17T01:08:00.000-06:00

oh jcrew, why do you tease me so??

why must i be so broke?

and med chem, why do you beat me up so badly?

2008-01-15T22:06:00.000-06:00

i can't wait for the weekend.

2008-01-13T23:01:00.000-06:00

in 8 hours, i have to take another med chem exam. *sigh* this one might be even uglier...

this week was a weird one. the net result is i am going to be applying for internships i wasn't planning on applying to because i don't know if i have a job for the summer anymore. ugh. on the bright side, i got to talk to a friend who i thought wasn't speaking to me, i got to hang out with a super gracious friend and i am slowly developing a fan club (of the good kind, not the stalker kind) at work.

and because i have to go back to cramming soon, here is what i learned this week:
Carmine's is OVERRATED and do not buy cheap heels.

3 day weekend next week! can't wait....

blog later and wish me luck!
me.

2008-01-10T19:58:00.000-06:00

do you know what's awkward? telling one boss you're leaving the team for your old boss.

it's really quite uncomfortable.

i think i have a job though for the next year though!

2008-01-07T23:40:00.000-06:00

i think i've returned to normal. took a lil bit, but i think i'm slowly regaining my sanity. sadly, the motivation to study has not come back yet but i managed to pull off a low B this morning. flat out amazing if you ask me.

anyhow! i've been thinking a LOT about a certain someone. i'm hoping this person doesn't know this thing exists. goodness... that would be hilarious if they did find out. anyhow! so i'm thinking about this someone... and how FREAKING crazy it would be if we ever ended up together. granted, i'm nowhere near wanting a white dress, babies or a ring, but i'm just thinking about all the other CUTE things that would come with the deal. For example, the movieline how we met story, mothers who adore us and each other (okay, that's not cute it's just a fringe benefit) and the impeccable taste in clothing. honestly, the how we met story and the mothers thing is what's really selling me. not that i'm saying i'm going to base who i date next off these two things, i'm just saying, they're nice perks. ha ha.

i need to stop. but the point to this blog is i've been thinking about the past, the present and the future. and this is what i've decided: now that i know what's out there, why should i settle? seriously, after all the crap that i went through and given how far i've come, why don't i deserve the fairytale?

this is me moving on. me moving on = not settling and holding out for mr. damn-near-perfect.
so that's my new position. i'm waiting for my prince charming and prince charming if you're out there, you know where to find me. =) ha ha.

slowly but surely, regaining my sanity.
*wink* *wink*

2008-01-04T23:36:00.000-06:00

all i wish is that people would understand that sometimes, it takes longer than 2.25 years to heal a broken heart and to learn to trust someone again.

2008-01-03T16:41:00.000-06:00

back from the doctor.

diagnosis....... don't know.

there's nothing wrong with my shoulder or the rotator cuff. the doctor thinks it's a muscle in my back. i told him everything, about the MRI, the physical therapy and he agreed with me that at some point, the soreness and aching feeling SHOULD go away. but it hasn't.

so! he referred me to a specialist.

fabulous. as if this day couldn't end on a happier note.....

2008-01-03T09:30:00.000-06:00

it was a rough night last night.

let's recap:
- dreamt i was feuding with my ex's frat
- dreamt that i drowned and then got rescued by a boat but was stuck on said boat with dying Taiwanese people
- dreamt my condo was leaking and then some alien thing popped out of my bed and went down my hallway screaming for help
- dreamt that i had dinner with friends and my friend's wedding invitation was a Dominick's ad.

i have no idea how much sleep i actually got because i kept waking up from the dreams. i don't know which was worst- the feud or drowning.

i seriously hope i make it through this year.

2008-01-02T21:27:00.000-06:00

let's hope i still have a shoulder after tomorrow. *sigh* i'm succumbing to the pain and seeing the doctor. one can only take so much ibuprofen before one develops an ulcer...

so i bombed my therapeautics exam. big surprise. honestly, i think i was suffering from holiday depression. NO JOKE. totally lacked motivation and I just wasn't the same person I was throughout fall quarter. but the old, workaholic me is slowly returning. Perhaps she went on hibernate for the winter but it's a new year and granted it's still winter, but i'm ready to turn this crappy quarter around.

second year, winter quarter - never my strong suit.

i'm going to do a lil studying tonight. really, i am. and! i'm going to be SUPER productive tomorrow. minimal shopping because i'm piss poor and need to pay my mortgage and assessments. *sigh*

all right, i've babbled enough. wish me luck tomorrow at the doc's.

blog later.
me.

2007-12-26T23:19:00.000-06:00

yesterday night, i dreamt my school scheduled an 8 AM midterm the day after Christmas. Anyone who lived in state was expected to take the midterm but people who live out of state and went home for the the holidays were exempt and could take the test at a later time. I somehow missed the test and was stuck pleading to the instructor to let me take the test at another time because the Acura was vandalized.

around 7 this morning, i woke up and in my groggy state of mind had to convince myself that it was a dream and that my school wasn't so ridiculous as to schedule a midterm the day after christmas and that i was okay.

anyhow! i have a terrible migraine/headache right now and i'm too lazy to get up and get some Advil. I'm hoping i can sleep this off.

christmas was good and tiring. it was a 2 day celebration. perhaps i'll explain more later.

all right, time to get some shut eye. it's going to be a long week...

night.

2007-12-20T22:16:00.000-06:00

it's a christmas miracle. not only did i pass my med chem exam, but i got a B. seriously folks, it's a christmas miracle.

let's hope therapeutics went well today. i really hope it did, although my minimal studying probably didn't help the cause. *sigh*

thank goodness it's temporarily over.

happy holidays!

2007-12-19T17:05:00.000-06:00

- i'm sleep deprived.
- 400 mg of naproxen gives me esophagitis but 400 mg of ibuprofen doesn't.
- the area between my right shoulder and neck is SUPER sore and I'm in pain.
- i don't want to study for my therapeutics exam that's tomorrow.
- not only do i have loads of laundry to do, but i have BOXES of clean clothes that need to be put away.
- I have a Jan.4th deadline at work that I found out about TODAY.
- Winter "break" could not come any sooner.
- I plan on sleeping 14 hours saturday night- 16 if I'm lucky. You think I'm joking but really, I'm not.